“Finito”

It is all over. “Finito”
Unbelievable, I have completed a very important phase of my life.
I have completed my B.Ed TESL ( Primary Education)
- But I ‘m still waiting for the results, lets pray that I will get through! (hehehehe)

The feelings or emotions that surround me at this moment are (how do I say it)…
Indescribable…
One moment, I am happy then I feel sad then I am confused…
So basically I’M LOST!

I can still remember the feelings that I had when I first started this course. I did NOT want to enrol in the course. After SPM – like most SPM – leavers, I was unsure of what I wanted in life. I was turn down from various courses but I did get some like nursing at PPUM.

At the end, my family decided it would be best that I join Form 6. So I pulled myself together and told myself – “Use this 2^nd chance wisely and excel in STPM”. A friend of mine – Ratna Devi was there to accompany me. So I had settled down in “I can’t remember the class name” at S.A.B. It is a well – known school that I dislike cause most of the kids were arrogant. But having Ratna there... to some extent helped me out.

This didn’t last for long.

One day, I think it was a Thursday or maybe a Friday, I brought back Spiderman 2 CD. I was excited cause at that time the movie was a hit. So I was enjoying myself… watching the movie but just half an hour before the movie ended… I got this call.

This guy said that I had got the course and I’m to report myself on Monday. Surprised, I told the man that when I checked online, I didn’t get the course…

He scolded me – “Ini kan saya sedang bagi tahu, u dah dapat”.
I just listened and wrote down what he told me.
I told my mom the new and instead of being happy….i cried!
I did continue to watch Spiderman but I was crying…
I DIDN’T WANT TO GO!
But I end up reporting on Monday. The weekend was like hell. I cried most of the time. I remember saying to myself – “I’m forced to so this, I didn’t even say yes!”

But then I stayed on, and the first few months of the course passed by without me realising. I met new people. Some of them become closed friends that I had never imagined I would have at that moment. From that moment until the last day, I have gained so much that I’m amazed how time flew…

HMMMMMMmmmmm…..

To tell the truth, I’m feeling lonely! – ‘am not talking about boys…
I realised that my past 6 years was mainly centred on the course and the people involved in it. I was so into it that I actually don’t have an “outside” life. I don’t have friends other than those in the course. I don’t go out with anyone else unless with them or family.
See, how my past 6 years had past? Sounds pathetic, doesn’t it?

The cohort consisted of 75 people – 13 boys and 62 girls. Sadly the time we reached our degree year, one left us… she decided to drop out of the course. But we will always remember her… Amielia. I remember meeting her mom the first day when she came to the hostel.

Did I say hostel? I can’t believe that I had stayed in a hostel. My roommate was Mohanes. We met on the Monday – the day I enrolled in the course. Its funny remembering how we used to collect water. I remember how the boys would get excited when the girls would enter their hostel (Aman) … not to see them but to see the head warden – PN. Marbiah.
Those were the days! The hostel itself holds many memories.

Ok… moving on…

74. This number is more than a number to me. It represents the people that I lived with for 6 years.
Well, I did not stay with all of them but I got to know them within these years.
We always got news about each other. News travelled very fast between us – if you were not the first to know, you would surely know after a few weeks or a month. We arewere very active when it comes to gossip…. Hehehehehe

This reminds me of Ms. Amyzar. She is one of the lecturers in MPIK (it will always be MPIK to me, even tough its IPGIK now) who had changed our lives. She has affected my life. I am just amazed with her. One thing that she did for us - that had helped us to bond with each other. She had shuffle the classes.

The first 2 years of the course – our foundation years – we were in 3 seperate classes. At that moment, we were not closed to each other. But after we were shuffled, we just bonded….

I remember saying to myself, it is time I got to know all 73 of them.
I guess this was the beginning of our friendship.
It is sad to say that I was not close with all, but I think to some point our paths did cross. I did get to know them and they did touch my life and help to make the memories that I have.

I am missing this the most…
I feel that this is the highlight - those small moments that we shared…

I remember how Saiful would be our artist to the rescue…
I remember our Mummy – Ain. We just love calling her Mummy…I wonder how she got the name…
I remember Sin Yuan – how tense she used to be
I remember Luqman’s blur – macho – lost look…
I remember Mei Lee shouting in class… I was told about this
I remember Vilo’s laughter…
I remember Jaylie’s pink
I remember Farahiyah’s caring look…
There is so much to cherish that I am just lost in my own memory lane…

I don’t know why but …

When we were saying our goodbyes to each other…I kept on saying that I am not going to say goodbye…and I am not going to cry (which I did in the end)….i will see you all - online… i will see u soon…
I guess I was in denial…
I still am!

I need to get this out of my system… i need to accept that this phase of my life is over…
Weird thing is that I always had friends around me…
When I start something new, I had people that I could count on…
I had friends - Irwan, Esun, Norli, Siti Hajar, Farahiyah when we did Educating Rita…
I had friends – the PL group…when we played “Mud War” – can you imagine we were rolling in mud?
I had friends – Ming Keat, Aisyah, DD, Nurul, Nani, Seha and Jne – when I went for teaching practice…

They were always around me…
But now, I have to step into a new phase of my life alone…
I don’t know how I am going to do it.
But I did learn something from my friends
“If you meet something new – face it!”

In the last week, I had tried to savour every moment spent with these 73 people. Just seeing them was enough for me. The “party” that we had at Daus and Vilo’s place meant a lot to me. I felt at home with them.

Now it is all over!

I don’t know when we would meet the next.
But it would be a moment that I won’t want to miss… unless my parents won’t let me to come…sad lah I am 24 yet I have to go through all this…
Pathetic, right?

So I end this long post….abruptly cause I don’t how to end it!

p/s

I might be over doing this…I could be the only one feeling like this.. but at least I got it out of my system…hopefully