i hate love....

its just march and i am already doing a review of the year hehehehe...

so much has happen... i just cant imagine...

the year started off great... i fell in love....
so funny lah
so funny lah.... now its just seems weird....

i wish i didnt... cause the pain is just too much....

i am lost...
i dont know myself anymore....
its so hard to pull myself together cause every time i do..i just go back to 0 or maybe negative ...hheeheheh

i wish there was a switch that can just off my feelings... i just want to be like always am....

now i am nobody...
i dont even have my family anymore... is it worth that person....
i dont know... the thought of losing that person.. makes me weak... but i just know that person for 2 months.... why why cant i just get over it....

its not worth it.... its not worth holding on cause in the end it will never happen....

i am meant to be alone... just by myself....
with all that has happen... i am forced to change my blog add. close my friendster to everyone... no more happy calls to my sister.... family... i am just by myself... friends i do hv but they have a life of their own.. how long will i depend on them...

i always thought i was an orphan... guess i got my wish now...

arrrhhhhhh.....

why why why am i that bad that i hv to go through all this.... i never (as far as i can think) done bad stuff to others.... then now why me why me...

its tiring.... i dont hv good/ happy moments anymore... its so hard to laugh when others do... it just doesn't seem right... school was fun for me.... now i just cant be in school..... cause seeing others and not being able to mingle is hard.. i want to be alone....tears are more better nowadays...

i even think i am going mad... i am so afraid of that...
being all alone...
i wont be able to read anymore... one thing that i still love doing...

where is my life... where has it gone...
why cant it just be...
why cant my family see me... my condition.. my feelings....
why why


its painful..i dont hv anyone to turn to... even the person all this happening for also seems to be distance... maybe cause its just 2 months...

in new moon.... bella felt a hole where her heart is... i feel the same... its just a hole there.... that i dont know how to close...

i am afraid to even think what will happen in the next hour... cause with every step i take i dont know what to expect...

the person who cause this all also cant be blame... that person was also in love...
weird love can make you do things u never imagine...

i get what that person did... that person just had to hold on... love it to precious to lose... but why did i get stuck in this all... i wish i didnt...

yes i wish i wasnt in love.... even though its beautiful.... but i wish i didnt cause to lose it now is so painful....

now its all hanging... i cant lose it but i cant gain it... i am just there.. in middle... i want to move on but its holding me back... the pain the fear of losing it...

only 2 months and i hv so much to remember... the more i try to let it go the more i recall... i hate it...

i hate love....

who ever is reading this just leave this here...
pls dont take this away from me.....
enough is enough...