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in love after breakup

what is love after breakup?

you still think of the person even when the person was hurt you with words and action?
you still are willing to forgive it all?
you still wish that person well?
you still want to see that person happy?
you still think of that person?
you feel weak knowing nothing of that person?
you remember the person's promises, dreams and words?

or is this all just obsession?
or it is just feelings that i dont want to lose knowing that if i let them go i am letting that person go?

i dont know what is this.. but i want it gone... i want my life back.... i want to stop these feelings..
i know i am the master of my feelings.... but it hard.. i try... i force myself not to think... but i am hurting myself more.... i am tourturing my body....headaches... sleepsless nights....fever....cant eat....
it is not that i dont want to get up and change my life but i dont have the energy to constantly control myself... it tiring....

why is it easy for some... they just get over so fast.... they are able to look at the bright side and say it was never meant to be.... yet i still dwell on it... i still want it to work knowing it will never be

what i am made of? i am human just like others but why i cant get over it... he can....
will i ever feel in love or loved again.... will i let myself live? will i smile again...?
will i meet someone who will understand me?
will i meet the one? long time i lost hope... i had accept it that it never meant for me..... but meeting him.. it all started to change... i was happy that i was wrong......
but once it was over... knowing that it was fake....that nothing was true...that i was nothing.... i lost my hope again... knowing i was right in the first place... husts more...

will i get over this and one day say.. i found it i found the one....?
will i be able to say i lost it for good.... that i have something better now....

i dont know!!!! but for now
i just want to live without these feeling.....

be gone.... be lost.... be death...
let me be... let me be...

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