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lost it again

yes i did... lost it again...


back n forward
back n forward...
nothing seems to change....
sometimes i think i am becoming worse...

j asks why i am like this? good question why am i like this... why cant i just let it all go n just be me...!
his advice... "pick ur self up now now focus on ur self forget everthing"

heheheh so easy to say... i been saying this to my self since it all started..
stop it melwin.. it over never meant to be,,, u know it... so let it go just stop it there are other more important stuff in life... no one sees u when u cry... so stop it...! let it be.... just let it be.... just wasting ur time n energy... something better will happen....

just name it anything u can say... i have said it to myself.... but just for awhile... then it starts again.... tiring ...

why so hard... why do i break down every time something doesnt work out right...?
 why do I hv to fight or force myself to get something… I am tired of this rubbish… I don’t know from where all these feelings come from… a friend said I am no more myself.. “it is not me talking” 


why do i go back to them,.. they hv a life of their own... a life together... so they dont need me to spice it up..!

there r others with broken hearts they are ok.. they move on... then why am i so special why am i like this for 7 months... why am i suffering... i am tired... my friends are tired.... maybe i should see a doctor....


i should be strong... should realise that nothing works the way we plan...

i want out...! i try again n again n again... dont know how long i can take this... some say broken heart last for 2 years or more or until u meet someone....or maybe one day i burst n then nothing can be done.... it scares me... if i go mad.... really does....

why there is no knight in shining amour to save me... why.... she was lucky.... why i am not...

where is the someone to get me out of this... to make me realise that my life is worth it... that i am worth living,,,!

spoken like a mad person :P

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