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a new day.. a new dawn... a new me?

it's february the 1st 2014....
last night... or the last 3 weeks of my life has been a roller coaster ride....

ups and downs....

n finally its all over...

i want to be angry with someone... but the truth is that it is not being angry that matters.. but what i do after this....

i do want to hurt my self... ( no physically) but emotionally.. mentally... make myself pay for wht i put myself through...

if only i stop myself when it started... if only i told myself that it is too good to be true... that it will not happen again... tht i will fall in love....

yes i did it again... i felt in love again... and as usual.. it didnt last...

to finally have something that was in my thoughts.. its a magically experience for me..

he made me fall in love so fast.. that i couldnt stop myself and before i know it i just wanted to go with the flow...

and again i want to go agaisnt all odds to just be with him...

werid wht love can make you do...but yes i was willing...

but everyone has a limit.. to be told again and again to let go... he finally did let go... i feel bad for him.. i took him on a ride cause of  my emotional turbulence...how much can he take it... how much would he be able to stand my unstable emotions... for a moment yes.. than the next no... then yes again....

"come on lady.. make a decision " ( i would tell myself tht)

to hurt the person u have feeling for is very painful... to see tht person cry in front of you.. makes you wonder is it worth putting that person in so much pain..

so now am awake.... trying to console myself tht this will soon pass.. and tht i need to stay focus and stay away from love...

to hold on to his memories to keep them save in my thoughts.. to cherish them...

and with tht face the rest of my life.... by myself...alone....

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