My thoughts…..

yes i am jealous..... i miss being in love.... that lovely feeling you have in you.. that very things is so nice... that nothing can go wrong... that feeling of wanting to care soooo much for that person... that feeling when you get his call... that feeling when you are talking to him that feeling when you get his good morning sms just a few seconds after getting up... even writing about it makes a smile appear on my face i remember how i used to be so happy then... but now that it is gone... when i see others in love.. i am jealous... mean right? but i am human they look so cute... they look nice.. they look enough for each other... a smile appears on my face seeing them...knowing how that feelings is... but it doesnt last cause i see myself... out of love... i wonder if i was really in love... or if that person had the same feelings or it was just me.... love makes life so beautiful when it last but once it is gone....it sucks the life out of you...!

I am restless. I can’t be bothering her every time.She is my best friend but she has a life of her own. It has been months and I need to get a grip. After watching House (20 June 2010), seeing the way Dr. Cuddy handle issues in her life makes me want to be like her. To keep on doing what I know is right even though when the going gets tough. I have to stand by my decision, decisions that are well decided on. I have to think of what is the right thing. I might be addicted to coffee :)) but I can’t use that as an escape route. I have to do it by myself. I have to stay focus and continue life. Yes, I do want it to turn out right but maybe it is just not meant to be. There will be someone for me, but it doesn’t mean I have to just focus on that, live goes on and so will mine. If I could do it before this, focus on other aspects of life then just a few months shouldn’t change that.

what is love after breakup? you still think of the person even when the person was hurt you with words and action? you still are willing to forgive it all? you still wish that person well? you still want to see that person happy? you still think of that person? you feel weak knowing nothing of that person? you remember the person's promises, dreams and words? or is this all just obsession? or it is just feelings that i dont want to lose knowing that if i let them go i am letting that person go? i dont know what is this.. but i want it gone... i want my life back.... i want to stop these feelings.. i know i am the master of my feelings.... but it hard.. i try... i force myself not to think... but i am hurting myself more.... i am tourturing my body....headaches... sleepsless nights....fever....cant eat.... it is not that i dont want to get up and change my life but i dont have the energy to constantly control myself... it tiring.... why is it easy for some... they j...

am i? am i bad? do i deserve what is happening to me? maybe i do.. i got to know these bunch of people .. well we are not close... but guess wht they hv blocked me from their facebook.... they treat me as i am the bad one... but wht they did to me....? i want answers that is the reason why i approcah them.. to clear my heard off the doubts i hv.. ..yes i did bugg them for answers... and finally they hv decided to just to get rid of me... treat me as i am a terrible virus... treat me as a disease.... i laugh a my faith.... for who i hv become.... i know i am to ignore these people... but i laugh at the irony in it... why do i hv to go trough this? am i bad?

i get it.. finally i understand why it all happen... the curtains are drawn... now the truth is out... everything was fake... yet i wish yet i dream yet i hope why do i still wish dream hope. cause ..... i am blind..

(noun)   substitution, permutation, transposition, replacement, switch an event in which one thing is substituted for another Synonyms:  reversal , refilling , replacing , exchange , commutation , renewal , switch , substitution , replenishment , surrogate , heterotaxy , successor , switching , shift , replacement , alternate , permutation , electrical switch , transposition , substitute , electric switch   (noun)   substitute, replacement a person or thing that takes or can take the place of another Synonyms:  fill-in , substitution , refilling , relief , successor , replacing , backup , renewal , backup man , reliever , second-stringer , transposition , permutation , surrogate , reserve , replacement , alternate , replenishment , stand-in , switch , substitute http://www.synonyms.net/synonym/replacement  

yes... you read it right.... i am asking myself if i am dumb? someone asked me that not long time ago... i am asking myself that same things now.. i know nothing going to happen its over... yet i still think of it... thats means i am dumb.. i still hv hopes... when all the odds r the other way... i am dumb... i still imagine... knowing that its just me.... i am dumb.... its a no from the other side and yet i think it is a yes..... dumb triple time dumb... so is it that i just want to sit n keep on holding to a already cut string.... dumb dumb... who is going to correct this...? i hate being dumb...