My thoughts…..

i get it.. finally i understand why it all happen... the curtains are drawn... now the truth is out... everything was fake... yet i wish yet i dream yet i hope why do i still wish dream hope. cause ..... i am blind..

(noun)   substitution, permutation, transposition, replacement, switch an event in which one thing is substituted for another Synonyms:  reversal , refilling , replacing , exchange , commutation , renewal , switch , substitution , replenishment , surrogate , heterotaxy , successor , switching , shift , replacement , alternate , permutation , electrical switch , transposition , substitute , electric switch   (noun)   substitute, replacement a person or thing that takes or can take the place of another Synonyms:  fill-in , substitution , refilling , relief , successor , replacing , backup , renewal , backup man , reliever , second-stringer , transposition , permutation , surrogate , reserve , replacement , alternate , replenishment , stand-in , switch , substitute http://www.synonyms.net/synonym/replacement  

yes... you read it right.... i am asking myself if i am dumb? someone asked me that not long time ago... i am asking myself that same things now.. i know nothing going to happen its over... yet i still think of it... thats means i am dumb.. i still hv hopes... when all the odds r the other way... i am dumb... i still imagine... knowing that its just me.... i am dumb.... its a no from the other side and yet i think it is a yes..... dumb triple time dumb... so is it that i just want to sit n keep on holding to a already cut string.... dumb dumb... who is going to correct this...? i hate being dumb...

it is everywhere.... in the morning.... i on my radio... in every song i hear..it is there...what... you ask? i hv my breakfast... switch on the tv.. it is every program.. even in ads... it is there...what... you ask? go to school... chat with teachers.. they talk about theirs... it is there......what..you ask? finish school... get in my car... switch on the radio... again in songs i hear... this time songs that tell about its absences... it is there... still dont get it...? i'm sick.... enough of it now... can take it... tears roll... hate tears... cause its is even in them come back home... nap... re-energies....hoping it is gone... switch on laptop go onlife... fb... it is there.... talk to housemates... it is there... it is everyhwhere.... does it want to remind me that i will never hv it... or is it telling me that there is still hope... or that i should give up.... or is it reminding me that i have lost it dues to my mistakes.... but i think it is ...

what next..? ups... downs... left.. right... u-turn.. roundabout... t junction... its a never ending journey.... i need a break... i want a rest place.. a peaceful one... where i dont even have my thoughts... even my memories....just blank.. i want dragons... witches.. flying brooms... hogwarts.... heheheheh am still waiting for my owl... yet life moves on... it waits for no one.... like it or not i have to move on.... to drive on... alone...

hurray! i did it.. i drove to kk from keningau safely... on friday... after planning a long time it happen.. my housemates and i took the challenge... i am very proud of my SAGA... its a wonderful car... hehehehe from keningau to kk was tiring... it was my first time driving from keningau to kk... we used tambunan... it was challenging for me lah.. but it was fun... it took me 3 hours... cause we did get lost but was ok lah luckly had friends.. once in kk we did shopping ..hopefully the next pay is soon hehehehe coming back was fast. guess i was more confident... 2 n 1/2 hours... hehehehe it was fun... but the reason i did this all doesnt seem to go away.. its every where... i hate this... why is it so hard to get lost....  i wish time pass very fast that i can get doen with it...

it all the things that is going in my life i just needed 1 more thing to spice it up.... a calf hit my car.... why why.. i did break but the van from the opposite side had already hit the calf... so it like "flew" n hit my car.. all i could wish was that the calf was not death under my car.... i was so afarid to open my door.. just in case i could see its head or legs under my car... when i did i didnt see anything... i asked the uncle in the van.."sudah dia lari" "already ran" then i thought my car.. was it hit..? can it move? slowly i started the car... it moved... then i thought is there any dent.... shit shit.... it was not my fault.. why my car has to suffer... when i got down to check... yes yes it was dent... my car poor baby.... why why.... with all that is happening in my life... now this how worse can it get...? 2 things happen n both were not my fault. why why.. hmmmm i am tired... i did ask once why like can just be flat... i h...