My thoughts…..

be gone be gone...  feelings be gone... you just messy me up you just make things worse... why cant let me be... am not asking for wealth or even happiness... just let me be me... calm n comfort just being me... even if i hv to be by myself...alone be gone be gone... feelings be gone...

i am feeling so good! yes i am! i am cured! i am out of the woods! YES!YES! but i cant erase wht has happen it will be my past! thanks sir... so wht i have been up to...? upsr has gone! finally... but now comes the hard part.... i want to teach them something they can take to their secondary level... so thats in the planning... i join a forum online heheheh wht forum welll lets keep it a secret...! but it is cool1 so far i made a few friends... they are not pushy they know i am new n that i will take my time to come out n make more friends... for now they are there to guide me.... but its awesome... cause these are bunch of people that just want to be themselves n talk about everything in the open... no one is judging anyone,, no one is demanding (but some do - just ignore them) its a magical place... i guess my letter to Hogwarts did arrive but just a different Hogwarts... so far the forum is helping me to see the different side of life.. meeting people from different p...

yes i am reading this book now... it like reading about myself... the part that inspires me is her "not to give up" spirit... she never does...  i should have that in me... she also had a blog that she writes her thoughts n ideas.. just like me... cant wait to finish reading it want to know wht happens to her...

yes i did... lost it again... back n forward back n forward... nothing seems to change.... sometimes i think i am becoming worse... j asks why i am like this? good question why am i like this... why cant i just let it all go n just be me...! his advice... "pick ur self up now now focus on ur self forget everthing" heheheh so easy to say... i been saying this to my self since it all started.. stop it melwin.. it over never meant to be,,, u know it... so let it go just stop it there are other more important stuff in life... no one sees u when u cry... so stop it...! let it be.... just let it be.... just wasting ur time n energy... something better will happen.... just name it anything u can say... i have said it to myself.... but just for awhile... then it starts again.... tiring ... why so hard... why do i break down every time something doesnt work out right...?   why do I hv to fight or force myself to get something… I am tired of this rubbish… I don’t know ...

It's likely that you'll run into a stumbling block today, and it might surprise you, Leo, because it may be disguised as a stepping stone. You may be holding onto things or ideas that have outlived their usefulness and are weighing you down in some way. This is a day fo r letting go and cleaning up so that you can create some space in your life for new things to enter. If you're lucky you may just find out what less is more of.     i so wish i can do this... i wish wht has happen in the past goes away...i need to clean off my past n look into the future.... i pray n strongly want this...   Much more grows in the garden than that which is planted there. true.. we can plan but in the end something else happens...

hopefully i will be in kl by 10 tonight... i dont know what to expect this time....  i am tired thats for sure.... i am tired of myself.... my thoughts... they are so strong... it is like i am fighting with my own self.... last night after letting it all go... i felt so tired  i was so exhausted that i slept when my head touch the pillow... now i am calm.... but the thoughts are finding their way out... i need to control... to hold my guard....  enough is enough... i need to get a grip... i need to live life even in its glumness  now i need to look forward and still hope... hope that happiness will find its way into my life...

why are the thoughts..? stupid question to ask... but is it a question.. i am tired of thoughts flying into my mind... cause i cant find the answers to any of them.... just let me be... or maybe i am doing this to myself... rubbish rubbish... ok lets channel these rubbish thoughts into holiday mood.... holidays here i come...!