My thoughts…..

so? Is that a problem? I can buy food. I can make instant drink like coffee etc. I can buy a cake. But i dont know how to do it all so.. I know as a girl i need to know this all... bla bla bla... But the problem is whenever I try it doesn't turn out right... and then I get sad  and miserable. So why should I put myself into this all? I do have the interets but the problem is it never works so I get fade up. If you are interested in it then do it. Why get me involved? I really do want to learn to cook and bake but i think i will learn it my way and when I want to. So stop pushing me to do it..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do u hv this feeling that something is not right? you dont know wht is it but u know something is not right... u just brush it away but it keeps coming back... (j if ur reading... yes i am cured over him but i dont know wht my new problem is) a wise guy (:P) said that i am just feeling needed... j even u said it remember well maybe i am... dont we all feel that? dont we all hv the need to feel needed.. then why r we needed in this world... to eat sleep eat n sleep? i dont think so sure there is more to it... loving others...? ok i can accept that... but but u? dont u need love too? love... arghhh wht a word.... i dont why it is so important,,, or i am just making it important,,,, its like i am learning to walk again... i am searching myself who i am...? i try to look back n search the old me... but i cant its like that person was so strong n now i am not.... i cant be as strong as i was....n i dont like that cause i know i wasnt like this who i was? wht is my proble...

be gone be gone...  feelings be gone... you just messy me up you just make things worse... why cant let me be... am not asking for wealth or even happiness... just let me be me... calm n comfort just being me... even if i hv to be by myself...alone be gone be gone... feelings be gone...

i am feeling so good! yes i am! i am cured! i am out of the woods! YES!YES! but i cant erase wht has happen it will be my past! thanks sir... so wht i have been up to...? upsr has gone! finally... but now comes the hard part.... i want to teach them something they can take to their secondary level... so thats in the planning... i join a forum online heheheh wht forum welll lets keep it a secret...! but it is cool1 so far i made a few friends... they are not pushy they know i am new n that i will take my time to come out n make more friends... for now they are there to guide me.... but its awesome... cause these are bunch of people that just want to be themselves n talk about everything in the open... no one is judging anyone,, no one is demanding (but some do - just ignore them) its a magical place... i guess my letter to Hogwarts did arrive but just a different Hogwarts... so far the forum is helping me to see the different side of life.. meeting people from different p...

yes i am reading this book now... it like reading about myself... the part that inspires me is her "not to give up" spirit... she never does...  i should have that in me... she also had a blog that she writes her thoughts n ideas.. just like me... cant wait to finish reading it want to know wht happens to her...

yes i did... lost it again... back n forward back n forward... nothing seems to change.... sometimes i think i am becoming worse... j asks why i am like this? good question why am i like this... why cant i just let it all go n just be me...! his advice... "pick ur self up now now focus on ur self forget everthing" heheheh so easy to say... i been saying this to my self since it all started.. stop it melwin.. it over never meant to be,,, u know it... so let it go just stop it there are other more important stuff in life... no one sees u when u cry... so stop it...! let it be.... just let it be.... just wasting ur time n energy... something better will happen.... just name it anything u can say... i have said it to myself.... but just for awhile... then it starts again.... tiring ... why so hard... why do i break down every time something doesnt work out right...?   why do I hv to fight or force myself to get something… I am tired of this rubbish… I don’t know ...

It's likely that you'll run into a stumbling block today, and it might surprise you, Leo, because it may be disguised as a stepping stone. You may be holding onto things or ideas that have outlived their usefulness and are weighing you down in some way. This is a day fo r letting go and cleaning up so that you can create some space in your life for new things to enter. If you're lucky you may just find out what less is more of.     i so wish i can do this... i wish wht has happen in the past goes away...i need to clean off my past n look into the future.... i pray n strongly want this...   Much more grows in the garden than that which is planted there. true.. we can plan but in the end something else happens...