My thoughts…..

well since i been teaching i been trying to make my classes a conducive environment for the kids.. 2009... well i say 30%.. 2010... hmmm 15%.. but this year i want to give ti 100% so i hv started... lets see if it really happen.. writing on 20 may 2020 - the pictures got removed... but they were my pic...

it happening again,,, always when i am back for the holidays.. the first day will be miserable... i wont know wht to do... my mind will be running wild.. thinking of sooooooooo many stuff... now its my weight,,, why cant it go down n stay there... the highest i hv been was 70++ when i was in high school... after leaving university,,, that was in 2008 i was 64... i felt great,...i felt like i was on top of the world.... then i went for my posting... n gain 4 kg... i was 68 in 2009 then i started to lose weight.... was 64 back... the had a heart break... n got to be a 62kg.... i was happy.. at least something good come out of being down... then it when up 1 kg.. down up down... now 13 march 2011 i am 65kg...i think or was it 66kg hmmm i hate it... i feel so fat... my tummy is like bulging... i wish i would get rid of it.... hmmm so am sitting here.. typing away.. while drinking this herbal tea that helps to burn... it has work before,,,, my BMI is 23.3.. i am suppo...

Its been a long time since I wrote here. I been meaning to write but i been busy. Busy? hmmm i wonder what lol so today's issue - i know i shouldnt be doing it... i shouldnt be bothered.... i should be cool.... but why why it keeps on popping out in my face? ok..here i go again.. rambling about something that only i know about lol sorry but i hv to if not i would be making a fool out of myself... so .. basically i should be cracking my head for something that shouldnt matter... i should focus on my work load... my god i feel like i hv so much to do... but when i do sit down n do... i just dont know where to start... so wish me luck.... n pray that i get something done soon!!!!

so? Is that a problem? I can buy food. I can make instant drink like coffee etc. I can buy a cake. But i dont know how to do it all so.. I know as a girl i need to know this all... bla bla bla... But the problem is whenever I try it doesn't turn out right... and then I get sad  and miserable. So why should I put myself into this all? I do have the interets but the problem is it never works so I get fade up. If you are interested in it then do it. Why get me involved? I really do want to learn to cook and bake but i think i will learn it my way and when I want to. So stop pushing me to do it..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do u hv this feeling that something is not right? you dont know wht is it but u know something is not right... u just brush it away but it keeps coming back... (j if ur reading... yes i am cured over him but i dont know wht my new problem is) a wise guy (:P) said that i am just feeling needed... j even u said it remember well maybe i am... dont we all feel that? dont we all hv the need to feel needed.. then why r we needed in this world... to eat sleep eat n sleep? i dont think so sure there is more to it... loving others...? ok i can accept that... but but u? dont u need love too? love... arghhh wht a word.... i dont why it is so important,,, or i am just making it important,,,, its like i am learning to walk again... i am searching myself who i am...? i try to look back n search the old me... but i cant its like that person was so strong n now i am not.... i cant be as strong as i was....n i dont like that cause i know i wasnt like this who i was? wht is my proble...

be gone be gone...  feelings be gone... you just messy me up you just make things worse... why cant let me be... am not asking for wealth or even happiness... just let me be me... calm n comfort just being me... even if i hv to be by myself...alone be gone be gone... feelings be gone...

i am feeling so good! yes i am! i am cured! i am out of the woods! YES!YES! but i cant erase wht has happen it will be my past! thanks sir... so wht i have been up to...? upsr has gone! finally... but now comes the hard part.... i want to teach them something they can take to their secondary level... so thats in the planning... i join a forum online heheheh wht forum welll lets keep it a secret...! but it is cool1 so far i made a few friends... they are not pushy they know i am new n that i will take my time to come out n make more friends... for now they are there to guide me.... but its awesome... cause these are bunch of people that just want to be themselves n talk about everything in the open... no one is judging anyone,, no one is demanding (but some do - just ignore them) its a magical place... i guess my letter to Hogwarts did arrive but just a different Hogwarts... so far the forum is helping me to see the different side of life.. meeting people from different p...