My thoughts…..

it's february the 1st 2014.... last night... or the last 3 weeks of my life has been a roller coaster ride.... ups and downs.... n finally its all over... i want to be angry with someone... but the truth is that it is not being angry that matters.. but what i do after this.... i do want to hurt my self... ( no physically) but emotionally.. mentally... make myself pay for wht i put myself through... if only i stop myself when it started... if only i told myself that it is too good to be true... that it will not happen again... tht i will fall in love.... yes i did it again... i felt in love again... and as usual.. it didnt last... to finally have something that was in my thoughts.. its a magically experience for me.. he made me fall in love so fast.. that i couldnt stop myself and before i know it i just wanted to go with the flow... and again i want to go agaisnt all odds to just be with him... werid wht love can make you do...but yes i was willing... but eve...

yes i want more..... i think maybe its the age... cause i feel like i am missing something.... i know i know some will say get a guy n get married... well i am not talking about that.... thats another story.. i am talking about myself... i feel like i myself am missing something that i need to find ... recently i have  been like having flash back of what i used to do... small things that made me happy .. things that i used to do to make myself better in my own eyes... for example... i used to hv a book that i write up words tht i keep on for getting how to spell....this was before i become and english teacher lol... but i still do hv thing problem... i forget how to spell.. n i hv to write it down to know wht is missing...  but back to the story.. a small spelling book... then i used to hv this study table tht was like my place... i got a poly-stern,,, a small one wrapped it with colour paper n hang it up... so when i sat on my table i could see up and there it w...

yes.. it has been a long time since i last wrote... benn wanting to.. but time is my enemy now... started masters mid last year... n life has been upside down since that... so wht i am up to... nothing much... doing the same thing i been wanting to do... let me share the list... on top of it all.... my weight.... its not moving up or down... just stuck  hmmm need to jump start.. school... work is piling up...  with the kssr.. and now linus... my English room is on hold... nothing has changed much other than more work is piled up there... my 3B.. a class that i been teaching for 2 years now.. hmmm stressed up with how much the hv improved... hmmmm money... eventhough my pay is increasing but its never enough... my 29th birthday is coming... i started this "must do somthing" big even since my 26th birthday... 26th - got a set of RM1600 books... 27th - hmm i cant remember.. then it must hvnt been special.. 28th - coloured hair... 29th - this year want to ...

2 more days n it's a new year! 2013 wow time flies so fast. So as usual I have a lot to do. Well actually not "a lot". It's hard concentrating on one thing when your mind is not. Well I'm curious how can someone just cut u off.? Just like that? Ok find I know I said a few harsh things but to just shut me off? Wow maybe that person is hoping for a sorry. But before this the relationship was casual that sorry I don't think it's necessary Ok I know I sound like an arrogant bitch but listen before u decide if I'm one. It's just that we  curse each other always it was a understanding between both of us. So why now all of sudden? Well I have tried calling n sent a few msg but yet this person choose to ignore me. Like I don't exist. Yes I know I should also just ignore since it's easy for that person to do so. But why why it's annoying I just want to know WHY? N HOW COME IS SO EASY FOR YOUR TO IGNORE ME!  I just need to keep mysel...

yes... i am studying again.... now it seems like a bad idea... now i doubt how did i finish my degree.. i feel so stuipid.... n also its like i am so thick in the head.... i feel like i am stubborn... i dont want to change... in my head i am telling myself to do this n that... it all seem perfect in my mind...but when i sit doen n start doing... i just feel stupid... n i am doubting myself... i dont like my work now... its like i am bluffing my way... arghhhhh rubbish..... i am off to bed.... i hv 2 proposals 1 article review 1 group work... all due on the 7th 8th n 9th... o wish me luck.... n i hope this all over well.. cause the first week is exams.... shit... why did i start masters??????????????????????

:) i dont know wht to put as the tittle.. so i am leaving it blank... actually its been a long time since i posted anything... even my last post was a act of "complicated mind" lol... so here i am today to post another - let my mind flow post the main thought on my mind is my health. since june this year, my body is going against me... :( my mind is telling me i am still young... i hv so much to do... but my body is not listening... i been having gastric... i think it started with my yo yo diet... i took a 2 or 3 types of diet product... hence my stomach would hv suffered for my hasty actions in losing weight... i was 64kg   early jan... but all of sudden it just happen... hmmm not all of sudden.:)  i just started eating n eating... n i put on 11 kg... in a time of 4/6 months...  when i realize i gain double of wht i lost, it was too late.... just a week ago i had this worse gastric attack... as a result i had to control my diet.. no spicy no oily stuf...

am watching TANU weds MANU... a nice story i feel... of love.... never go after love cause it will come to u by itself.. n be a friend of the person you love.... thats will make the relationship last. look at the other person as ur friend. will be want to stay with this friend for the rest of your life? tahu tells manu to wait another day.. she is getting married in the next day... he waits.... he comes back cause she tells him to wait... hmmmm that's wht true love is about... just want to make that person happy doesn't matter if ur own heart bleeds. he buy the wedding garland for her... well his love end? will his love have a change to breath? why is he doing this? why is he going for her wedding? i once heard... "if it is your it will come to you... if it doesnt means its not yours..." maybe he is testing this out,,, wait .. n we will know in awhile... the pen not working.... the pen of the register.... the office closes... wow.. wht a save!!!! n...