My thoughts…..

Yes I am fat.. . Reading one of my previous post... from 2011...I am shocked to realise I was 65kg... damn... 65kg... now it has gone up so much... In 3 years I gain so much... wow. How did I let tht happen? How did I let myself get so fat... Am find it hard to digest after reading tht post... tht time I was complaining of being 65kg... if I would hv known tht it would go up so much I would hv done something.... would I? So wht am I doing now? ????

Last night, i slept at 11 then woke up at 6 today morning. That is 7 hours of sleep, yet i still feel sleepy. i had my morning coffee, hoping that the urge to sleep will go away. But, no.. it is still there.  I tried Google-ling to find the answer. well.. the most logical answer is that i didnt complete my sleeping cycle.. which is 8 hours of undisturbed sleep.. but i have heard some ppl with just 6 hours of sleep.. they are energetic as ever.. why cant i be like them.. or another reason is that i am just lazy.. just lazy to force myself to do the list of work tht i have pile up... hmmmm... ok want to try to walk this need to sleep.. hope i dont go and sleep.. heehhee... laters..

yes.. its a guy this time... and no i am not into him... this is a friend from my degree years... i envy his happy go lucky life style... he teaches in a rural school... much rural than me... based on wht i hv observed on how he spends his days......he is super active.. always on the move... and i feel he has contributed a lot to his school.. he is always coming up with new programs... he is involved in the district  meetings... his teaching aids look great too i wonder how does he do it all.. he even hv time to fly back to kl.. for bookfairs... huhuhu how i envy him... i am so short of money... tht by the time my pay comes in it finishes.. huhuhu.. so tht my today's thought...

no i am not into gals... lol there is this teacher... a lady teacher.... who i got to know from her amazing work and ideas as a teacher... her ideas are out of this world... she is a teacher in a rural school.. similar to me... i am amazed with her spirit... she is so focused.. she is so into teaching.. i thought i am.. but i am so wrong.. i do nothing like her... she inspires the pupils in her school.. actually think about it,, not only her school but also other schools... i wonder why i cant be like her... be focus.. be a teacher... recently she used Bruno Mars.."be best friend forever" in her class to do writing... amazing kan? its all cause of my laziness.. i am such a lazy person...and i think i am doing good but actually i am not.. i just sit most of the time.. staring at my computer... dreaming... fb... games.. nothing useful.. i want to make a differences... but i hv baggage... huhuhu work i mean... i hv my thesis to do.. which i dont know where to s...

it's february the 1st 2014.... last night... or the last 3 weeks of my life has been a roller coaster ride.... ups and downs.... n finally its all over... i want to be angry with someone... but the truth is that it is not being angry that matters.. but what i do after this.... i do want to hurt my self... ( no physically) but emotionally.. mentally... make myself pay for wht i put myself through... if only i stop myself when it started... if only i told myself that it is too good to be true... that it will not happen again... tht i will fall in love.... yes i did it again... i felt in love again... and as usual.. it didnt last... to finally have something that was in my thoughts.. its a magically experience for me.. he made me fall in love so fast.. that i couldnt stop myself and before i know it i just wanted to go with the flow... and again i want to go agaisnt all odds to just be with him... werid wht love can make you do...but yes i was willing... but eve...

yes i want more..... i think maybe its the age... cause i feel like i am missing something.... i know i know some will say get a guy n get married... well i am not talking about that.... thats another story.. i am talking about myself... i feel like i myself am missing something that i need to find ... recently i have  been like having flash back of what i used to do... small things that made me happy .. things that i used to do to make myself better in my own eyes... for example... i used to hv a book that i write up words tht i keep on for getting how to spell....this was before i become and english teacher lol... but i still do hv thing problem... i forget how to spell.. n i hv to write it down to know wht is missing...  but back to the story.. a small spelling book... then i used to hv this study table tht was like my place... i got a poly-stern,,, a small one wrapped it with colour paper n hang it up... so when i sat on my table i could see up and there it w...

yes.. it has been a long time since i last wrote... benn wanting to.. but time is my enemy now... started masters mid last year... n life has been upside down since that... so wht i am up to... nothing much... doing the same thing i been wanting to do... let me share the list... on top of it all.... my weight.... its not moving up or down... just stuck  hmmm need to jump start.. school... work is piling up...  with the kssr.. and now linus... my English room is on hold... nothing has changed much other than more work is piled up there... my 3B.. a class that i been teaching for 2 years now.. hmmm stressed up with how much the hv improved... hmmmm money... eventhough my pay is increasing but its never enough... my 29th birthday is coming... i started this "must do somthing" big even since my 26th birthday... 26th - got a set of RM1600 books... 27th - hmm i cant remember.. then it must hvnt been special.. 28th - coloured hair... 29th - this year want to ...