My thoughts…..

i am so lost now... so many things pending huhuhu... especial my thesis.. when when will i finish it?

Yes I am fat.. . Reading one of my previous post... from 2011...I am shocked to realise I was 65kg... damn... 65kg... now it has gone up so much... In 3 years I gain so much... wow. How did I let tht happen? How did I let myself get so fat... Am find it hard to digest after reading tht post... tht time I was complaining of being 65kg... if I would hv known tht it would go up so much I would hv done something.... would I? So wht am I doing now? ????

Last night, i slept at 11 then woke up at 6 today morning. That is 7 hours of sleep, yet i still feel sleepy. i had my morning coffee, hoping that the urge to sleep will go away. But, no.. it is still there.  I tried Google-ling to find the answer. well.. the most logical answer is that i didnt complete my sleeping cycle.. which is 8 hours of undisturbed sleep.. but i have heard some ppl with just 6 hours of sleep.. they are energetic as ever.. why cant i be like them.. or another reason is that i am just lazy.. just lazy to force myself to do the list of work tht i have pile up... hmmmm... ok want to try to walk this need to sleep.. hope i dont go and sleep.. heehhee... laters..

yes.. its a guy this time... and no i am not into him... this is a friend from my degree years... i envy his happy go lucky life style... he teaches in a rural school... much rural than me... based on wht i hv observed on how he spends his days......he is super active.. always on the move... and i feel he has contributed a lot to his school.. he is always coming up with new programs... he is involved in the district  meetings... his teaching aids look great too i wonder how does he do it all.. he even hv time to fly back to kl.. for bookfairs... huhuhu how i envy him... i am so short of money... tht by the time my pay comes in it finishes.. huhuhu.. so tht my today's thought...

no i am not into gals... lol there is this teacher... a lady teacher.... who i got to know from her amazing work and ideas as a teacher... her ideas are out of this world... she is a teacher in a rural school.. similar to me... i am amazed with her spirit... she is so focused.. she is so into teaching.. i thought i am.. but i am so wrong.. i do nothing like her... she inspires the pupils in her school.. actually think about it,, not only her school but also other schools... i wonder why i cant be like her... be focus.. be a teacher... recently she used Bruno Mars.."be best friend forever" in her class to do writing... amazing kan? its all cause of my laziness.. i am such a lazy person...and i think i am doing good but actually i am not.. i just sit most of the time.. staring at my computer... dreaming... fb... games.. nothing useful.. i want to make a differences... but i hv baggage... huhuhu work i mean... i hv my thesis to do.. which i dont know where to s...

it's february the 1st 2014.... last night... or the last 3 weeks of my life has been a roller coaster ride.... ups and downs.... n finally its all over... i want to be angry with someone... but the truth is that it is not being angry that matters.. but what i do after this.... i do want to hurt my self... ( no physically) but emotionally.. mentally... make myself pay for wht i put myself through... if only i stop myself when it started... if only i told myself that it is too good to be true... that it will not happen again... tht i will fall in love.... yes i did it again... i felt in love again... and as usual.. it didnt last... to finally have something that was in my thoughts.. its a magically experience for me.. he made me fall in love so fast.. that i couldnt stop myself and before i know it i just wanted to go with the flow... and again i want to go agaisnt all odds to just be with him... werid wht love can make you do...but yes i was willing... but eve...

yes i want more..... i think maybe its the age... cause i feel like i am missing something.... i know i know some will say get a guy n get married... well i am not talking about that.... thats another story.. i am talking about myself... i feel like i myself am missing something that i need to find ... recently i have  been like having flash back of what i used to do... small things that made me happy .. things that i used to do to make myself better in my own eyes... for example... i used to hv a book that i write up words tht i keep on for getting how to spell....this was before i become and english teacher lol... but i still do hv thing problem... i forget how to spell.. n i hv to write it down to know wht is missing...  but back to the story.. a small spelling book... then i used to hv this study table tht was like my place... i got a poly-stern,,, a small one wrapped it with colour paper n hang it up... so when i sat on my table i could see up and there it w...