My thoughts…..

:) i dont know wht to put as the tittle.. so i am leaving it blank... actually its been a long time since i posted anything... even my last post was a act of "complicated mind" lol... so here i am today to post another - let my mind flow post the main thought on my mind is my health. since june this year, my body is going against me... :( my mind is telling me i am still young... i hv so much to do... but my body is not listening... i been having gastric... i think it started with my yo yo diet... i took a 2 or 3 types of diet product... hence my stomach would hv suffered for my hasty actions in losing weight... i was 64kg   early jan... but all of sudden it just happen... hmmm not all of sudden.:)  i just started eating n eating... n i put on 11 kg... in a time of 4/6 months...  when i realize i gain double of wht i lost, it was too late.... just a week ago i had this worse gastric attack... as a result i had to control my diet.. no spicy no oily stuf...

am watching TANU weds MANU... a nice story i feel... of love.... never go after love cause it will come to u by itself.. n be a friend of the person you love.... thats will make the relationship last. look at the other person as ur friend. will be want to stay with this friend for the rest of your life? tahu tells manu to wait another day.. she is getting married in the next day... he waits.... he comes back cause she tells him to wait... hmmmm that's wht true love is about... just want to make that person happy doesn't matter if ur own heart bleeds. he buy the wedding garland for her... well his love end? will his love have a change to breath? why is he doing this? why is he going for her wedding? i once heard... "if it is your it will come to you... if it doesnt means its not yours..." maybe he is testing this out,,, wait .. n we will know in awhile... the pen not working.... the pen of the register.... the office closes... wow.. wht a save!!!! n...

well since i been teaching i been trying to make my classes a conducive environment for the kids.. 2009... well i say 30%.. 2010... hmmm 15%.. but this year i want to give ti 100% so i hv started... lets see if it really happen.. writing on 20 may 2020 - the pictures got removed... but they were my pic...

it happening again,,, always when i am back for the holidays.. the first day will be miserable... i wont know wht to do... my mind will be running wild.. thinking of sooooooooo many stuff... now its my weight,,, why cant it go down n stay there... the highest i hv been was 70++ when i was in high school... after leaving university,,, that was in 2008 i was 64... i felt great,...i felt like i was on top of the world.... then i went for my posting... n gain 4 kg... i was 68 in 2009 then i started to lose weight.... was 64 back... the had a heart break... n got to be a 62kg.... i was happy.. at least something good come out of being down... then it when up 1 kg.. down up down... now 13 march 2011 i am 65kg...i think or was it 66kg hmmm i hate it... i feel so fat... my tummy is like bulging... i wish i would get rid of it.... hmmm so am sitting here.. typing away.. while drinking this herbal tea that helps to burn... it has work before,,,, my BMI is 23.3.. i am suppo...

Its been a long time since I wrote here. I been meaning to write but i been busy. Busy? hmmm i wonder what lol so today's issue - i know i shouldnt be doing it... i shouldnt be bothered.... i should be cool.... but why why it keeps on popping out in my face? ok..here i go again.. rambling about something that only i know about lol sorry but i hv to if not i would be making a fool out of myself... so .. basically i should be cracking my head for something that shouldnt matter... i should focus on my work load... my god i feel like i hv so much to do... but when i do sit down n do... i just dont know where to start... so wish me luck.... n pray that i get something done soon!!!!

so? Is that a problem? I can buy food. I can make instant drink like coffee etc. I can buy a cake. But i dont know how to do it all so.. I know as a girl i need to know this all... bla bla bla... But the problem is whenever I try it doesn't turn out right... and then I get sad  and miserable. So why should I put myself into this all? I do have the interets but the problem is it never works so I get fade up. If you are interested in it then do it. Why get me involved? I really do want to learn to cook and bake but i think i will learn it my way and when I want to. So stop pushing me to do it..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

do u hv this feeling that something is not right? you dont know wht is it but u know something is not right... u just brush it away but it keeps coming back... (j if ur reading... yes i am cured over him but i dont know wht my new problem is) a wise guy (:P) said that i am just feeling needed... j even u said it remember well maybe i am... dont we all feel that? dont we all hv the need to feel needed.. then why r we needed in this world... to eat sleep eat n sleep? i dont think so sure there is more to it... loving others...? ok i can accept that... but but u? dont u need love too? love... arghhh wht a word.... i dont why it is so important,,, or i am just making it important,,,, its like i am learning to walk again... i am searching myself who i am...? i try to look back n search the old me... but i cant its like that person was so strong n now i am not.... i cant be as strong as i was....n i dont like that cause i know i wasnt like this who i was? wht is my proble...